Monday, April 29, 2013

The Necklace and Parenting

The Necklace and Parenting

I was at a training a number of years ago when the psychologist held up a necklace to the audience to teach us about family dynamics.

"When the clasps are together, the pendant hangs below."  It's natural.  The law of gravity deems it so.  "Only an outside force can put the pendant on the same level as the clasps, unless..."

Here the man drew the two clasps apart and on the growing tension between the two clasps the pendant began to rise.  "The more opposing energy is exerted, the higher the pendant rises."  It's natural.  The law of physics deems it so.  Strain on the chain between clasps pulled the pendant onto the same line.



The application was straightforward.  If the two parents disagree (like the separation of the clasps), the child rises in power (like the pendant).  Kids get away with misbehaving because of the parents disunity.  When they're not  together, the child gains power from the strain in the relationship.  It's natural.  The law of hierarchy deems it so.

The cure is also straightforward.  If the parents will pause to be sure they are unified in their decision, the child will have no power to manipulate.  Like the united clasps, the child will find his/her place under the joint position of the parents.

Perhaps the picture's worth a thousand words as you seek to be united in your parenting.  It's something to consider.  


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